Cross-Dressers Talk About Their First Time Wearing Women's Clothes (2024)

Enfemmeis an organisation in Barcelonathat offers a safe space for cross-dressers, transvestites and trans women. It's unique in that it's mostly focused on cross-dressers, although anyoneis welcome to stop by for helporadvice, which stretches from make-up classes and "walking in heels" workshops, to psychological support offered in conjunction withTransit –a Catalan public health service fortrans people –andcounselling sessions for married couples.

"I lived with this secret for years, but when I was 37 I couldn't hide it from my partner and the mother of my children any longer. I'm still living a dual life, which isn't fun, but you learn to live it. A lot of people around me know that Monica is the real me, and I care less and less what people think.I don't get to be her all the time, but I never lose sight of who I actually am,regardless of what I'm wearing.

Malena (left) with friend Arlette

"Cross-dressing keeps me sane. My female part is always with me, even when I dress like a man. I startedcross-dressing in 2006,in the privacy of my own home, while having a Martini. At first justfrom the waist down –stockings, garter belt, heels, panties. I looked atmyself in the mirror and felt very sexy. The make-up came later."I remember how,when I was cross-dressing at home, I would sometimes come out on thebalcony late at nightand feel sofree because I could feel the air on my skin.When someone told me about EnfemmeI called the organisation and immediately knew we were speaking the same language.

"Living a dual life fits meperfectly – I love that there's a woman inside me whoemerges occasionally. Being her and bringing her out with these clothesmakes me feelfree andeuphoric. When I walk in heelsI'mtransported into thisfantasy world where everything is possible and no one criticises you for your choices.

"I would never change the way I am –I like living in this orderly chaos. When I was a child, I was completelycomfortable with the identity assigned to my gender.It wasn't until I was older that I first started getting in touch withmy female side. At first, I only did it whenit was socially acceptable, like atcostume parties.When I was about 24I realised I needed to embrace the ambiguity of my gender."I'm a boy most of the time – atmy workplace, with family, with some friends.I'm not uncomfortable;there are even moments whenPaula does not exist in me. But when I havetime to think, Paula appears indifferent forms.Paula gives me knowledge about myself, and I have experiences that wouldn't have occurred otherwise. Through Paula, I've seen more vulnerable sides of people, which has led me to having more sincere friendships. There are people who have only seen me as a girl, others who have seen both sides and others whoonly know my male part. It's really staggering how differently people respond to youjust because of your clothing;it's weird howacertain dress code is assigned to a certain gender.

"Within my family, only my brother knows. I can talk normally about it with him, but it would be too painfulto see the look of disappointment in my mother's or my friends' eyes if they knew. It's a very tough personal struggle for me.Gender rolesarea social construct that assigns behaviouralroles and rules to people. But what does it mean to be male or female?Institutionslike Enfemme are so important;we need more of them in Spain – there are still toomany people hiding justbecause they don't have the toolsto express themselves freely."Follow Favid Simón Martret and Blanca Galindo at The Leafhopper Project.Scroll down formore pictures.

Riccardo

Joana and Pepa

Sofia

Enfemme's 10th anniversary party

Monica playing keyboardwith The Wild Sisters

Aurora

Enfemme's 10th anniversary party

Bárbara